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My journey to abstaining did not begin from a place of strength; it began from a place of brokenness.
I had reached a point where I felt I had nothing left to give. I could not endure another heartbreak, disappointment, betrayal, rejection, or the pain of feeling abandoned. My heart was tired, and I knew I needed to make a different choice.
I chose me. I chose to protect my heart, create boundaries, and step away from patterns that had caused me pain. At the time, I believed abstinence was something I was choosing because I needed to protect myself.
What I did not realize was that while I was trying to protect myself, God was already protecting me.
What I thought was simply a decision to avoid heartbreak became a season where God began healing my heart and soul, restoring my identity, and teaching me that my security could never be found in another person. He was showing me that my worth, my purpose, and my wholeness were already established in Him.
Written by: Dr. Audrey
When Your “Why” Is Centered on You
When I first began my journey of abstaining, my “why” was centered on myself.
My motivation came from my experiences, my pain, my emotions, and my desire not to be hurt again. I wanted to make the right choices, but I had not yet received the revelation that my “why” needed to be rooted in Christ and not in me.
Anything built only on self will eventually breakdown.Our strength, discipline, emotions, and understanding have limitations. Even with the best intentions, we can become vulnerable during seasons of loneliness, temptation, frustration, disappointment, or desire.
When your “why” is based only on yourself, your commitment can begin to shift with your circumstances.
What once felt certain can become negotiable when emotions become overwhelming. But when Christ Jesus becomes your “why,” everything changes.
When Christ Becomes Your Foundation
Abstinence is not simply about saying no to something; it is about saying yes to God.
When Christ becomes your foundation, abstinence is no longer rooted in fear, rejection, rules, or self-preservation. It becomes an act of love, worship, obedience, and surrender.
The question changes from:
“Can I do this?” to:“Does this honor God?”
The focus shifts from depending on personal strength to depending on His grace.
Christ-centered conviction carries a different kind of strength. It remains steady when emotions change. It provides direction when no one is watching. It reminds you that purity is not only about what you avoid—it is about who you belong to. You belong to Christ.
God Was Healing More Than My Relationships
God was teaching me that I did not have to seek love, validation, or security in places that left me empty. He was reminding me that I needed to be whole before desiring to be chosen by someone else.
This season became a time of transformation. God used my season of abstaining to reveal hidden wounds, strengthen my identity in Him, and teach me that His protection does not always look the way we expect. Sometimes protection looks like rejection or separation. Sometimes it looks like waiting. And sometimes it looks like God removing distractions so we can hear His voice more clearly.
Christ Is the One Who Keeps You
Abstinence cannot be sustained by willpower alone. It requires surrender and santification.
If our foundation is only ourselves, we will eventually become weary. But when Christ is our foundation, our foundation is solid. He becomes the One who keeps us.
This truth extends beyond singleness. Even within marriage, there may be seasons where abstaining is necessary, for healing, prayer, fasting, wisdom, spiritual consecration, or difficult circumstances. If Christ was never the foundation, those seasons can become difficult to navigate.
But when He is your “why,” obedience becomes less about restriction and more about relationship.
The Revelation That Changed Everything
The greatest lesson I learned is that I thought I chose abstinence to protect myself, but God chose this season to prepare me for alignment with His purpose. I did not simply choose to abstain from fornication; I made room for God to fill me with His Spirit.
I made room for God to restore me, strengthen me, and remind me that my identity is found in Him.
When Christ Jesus becomes your “why,” you no longer have to depend on your own strength. Instead, you learn to trust the One who is able to keep you.
And the deeper your revelation of Him becomes, the less appealing compromise becomes.
Because when you know who you belong to, you begin to protect what He has placed within you.
I am reminded of Jude 24–25 (KJV):
“Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy,
To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.”
Will you commit to abstaining and make Jesus your “Why”?
I invite you to share your abstinence journey. What has God taught you during your season of abstaining? How has He strengthened, healed, or transformed you along the way? Your testimony may be the encouragement someone else needs to trust God with their own journey. Share your testimony by leaving a comment below. I would love to hear how God has transformed your life.
If you are tired of trying to navigate purity in your own strength and you are ready to make Jesus your “Why,” this guide is for you.
Walking in Purity: A Biblical Guide to Abstinence will help you strengthen your faith, deepen your conviction, and embrace the identity God has designed for you.
